sleeplessness

It’s about 2am and I can’t sleep. I’ve spent the past few hours reading and watching part of the 90’s film Anastasia and now when I should be getting to bed I can’t. My boyfriend left to go to the bar at 8, he said he was going to go play some music and then come home. That bar closed at 12. And I haven’t heard from him in about 3 hrs. I try to be chill and say “ok babe go have fun” but then he pulls shit like this on me and it’s really starting to piss me off. no phone call no text just to say “hey I’m fine, still alive and all.” He’s been out for 6 hours and I’m starting to worry that he’s not home yet, a small part of me is worrying anyways, mostly though I’m just mad. To heck with it if he got hit by a bus or fell down a flight of stairs and broke his neck while drunk. Seriously. I made a nice dinner tonight which he was supposed to be home for then he bailed on me. it’s really not fair and i know most of the time life isn’t but it would be nice to feel appreciated and for him to be at least a little considerate. I swear if he doesn’t get home soon and apologize I might just push him over the balcony and be done with it. I mean really, taking ten seconds to text someone isn’t that hard. You know it’s sad how often I’ve joked as of late about pushing him over the balcony, one of these days I’m going to fucking snap and actually do it. Now I know this whole thing doesn’t seem like that big a deal but counting the number of times I’ve had to deal with it I’m sick of it and it’s bullshit. When I go out I tell him where I’m going and when i’ll be home, if i’m not going to be home at that time I call or text him so he doesn’t freak out. Which he never freaks out because he doesn’t really care… Not to sound like a broken record but i really don’t know why i put up with it. He’s not that fabulous, or good looking or smart or talented and he doesn’t even have his own money. His mom wires cash to his bank account every month. By all accounts he’s a pathetic bottom feeder and I should kick his ass to the curb. When we first started dating he was really interesting and awesome but now after 3 years of putting up with this crap I’m quickly becoming dissatisfied. Ugh and bleh.

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